Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. It’s a goddamn Bruce Willis movie’ – BRUCE WILLIS

Christmas is, above all, a time for reflection, contemplation and good will to your fellow man. Unless the fellow man in question happens to think Die Hard isn’t a Christmas film. That fellow man deserves coal. I mean, not to get downright academic about it all, but the film is a pretty clear cut case of self-betterment and the suffering of the individual in the service of the many, not to mention a blatant censure of widespread, institutionalised avarice. To that end, Die Hard is practically A Christmas Carol. You know, if Dickens was into blood-stained vests and semi-automatics.

I can see why there’s so much resistance to the idea. I mean, if the semantic and interpretive boundaries are left lax enough, any film watched at Christmas is, by loose definition, a Christmas film. But where does that end, fair reader? Where does that end? Did I get sidetracked? Apologies. Happy Holidays from everyone here at The Essential Journal. Go eat a mince pie, make awkward conversation with the ‘old fashioned’ (you know what I mean) family member you’ve been avoiding all year, and above all, heed this one, solitary pearl of festive wisdom: Bruce Willis knows nothing and it’s not Christmas until Hans Gruber falls from the Nakatomi Plaza.